Christmas is Coming

christmas is comingChristmas is the Best!

We are getting soon close to Christmas, are you prepared or freaking out? So this weekend is a more chilled one. Tomorrow we’re having mostly a day at home I thing, maybe some Christmas crafts. Tomorrow we’re off to see Panto.

Today I have been at an event all day in Northampton and I’m knackered, Im ready for a lie in tomorrow! I will be finding time for feet up and chill out for sure. What are you up to? Don’t forget to find some time just for you this weekend, it’s important to put yourself first sometimes.

Wrapping Christmas Presents

I MUST wrap some Christmas presents next week, I don’t want to leave it last minute and be rushing. My anxiety goes into overdrive when I have to rush. It’s harder now that the kids go to bed a bit later, then I am just too tired, so I need to find time during the day to get it done. When do you get your wrapping done? Try not to stress it and just plan some time to get it done. That personally world for me. I will plan the time in to get it done.

Christmas is definitely my favourite time of year. It’s sparkly, there is an air of magic about it. There is definitely a sense of warmth to it too.

 

Don’t Look Back

Don’t Look Back – You’re Not Going That Way

I’m sure you’ve heard the quote ‘don’t look back you’re not going that way’ before, well it’s true. I have recently been in touch with the man I dated in September, it suddenly turned into ‘let’s talk about us’ and it was quite exciting. UNTIL last night we were chatting and I wasn’t in the right mood for him, not all upbeat etc and he basically got the hump. I was a bit surprised, but not massively as he has done this before. Despite assuring me he wanted to change, this made me realise he wasn’t capable of change.

He then says this morning he doesn’t think he is ready for a relationship, so rather than make a fuss I just wished him well. The moral is, don’t look back. There is a reason things haven’t worked out before, so I am backing off and leaving him to it.

I am worthy of a man who will stand by me, not talk to me like a child when things aren’t going their way. Myself and my kids deserve a wonderful man in our lives and I have been single for this very reason, nobody wonderful enough has come along. Simples….

don't look back

Being a Single Mum

being a single mum

Life As a Single Mum

The life of a single mum eh. Not only am I a single mum, I’m a single mum who does this shit solely alone 98% of the time. Their dad barely has them, barely provides for them and as for any help from family? Don’t make me laugh!

Here’s the thing though, I don’t let that shit stress me, instead, I let it empower me, let it help me grow. Grow as a woman, as a mother and as a business owner. It’s no joke owning 2 businesses, bringing up 2 children and trying to put healthy food on the table… oh and keep my house in order. BUT I thrive on that shit!

What Drives Me Forward

Having been in what turned out to be an abusive marriage and me finding the courage to walk away, I used that negative emotion to drive me forward and succeed. I had to rely on part state benefits years ago for some time, but I turned my life around and now need to rely on nobody but my damn self for the last however many years!!

YES! I’m bloody proud. No, I’m not showing off as someone on my page told me once because I’d put a photo of a home cooked meal on my page (some people eh) but yes I am damn proud of what I have achieved. You see, I know lots of other women who are single mums and they have excuses as long as their arm why they can’t work, let along start their own businesses. I decided to not have the mindset of excuses, but use the negativity in my life to drive me forward.

I’d look at my two babies (only toddlers back then) and used to tell myself I would do it for them, I would show them you can work, have kids and get the right balance in life. As I sit here now, in November 2018, I am proud of where I am. A homeowner, good food on the table, I do the school runs, cooking for the kids and going away a couple of times a year. What more could I possibly ask for? And to think I do this with no help with the kids. Of course I’m proud, why wouldn’t I be? Thankfully I surround myself with the type of women where we all have one another backs and we help one another, support one another and celebrate one another successes.

I wish the same for everyone I know, to find that perfect balance (or as close as you can get to it) and that feeling of contentment.

I’m waffling a little (I do that a lot) I’m a little tired, so I’m going to log off now. Have a great rest of the week my loves.

~ Sonya

empowering women

Toxic People

Letting Go Of Toxic People

Toxic people, we’ve all had them in our lives and some of us have even walked away from these people. It’s not easy to do let me tell you. It’s an act of courage.

I walked away from my mum and I think I only had the guts to do it because she fell out with me and then ignored me. After 3 attempts to contact her, I suddenly kind of woke up and thought ‘what the actual fuck’ and decided it was time to leave her be. And you know what – life has been less gossipy, less stressful, less of me trying to please her and less anxiety.

I have backed away from a couple of friends too. Not because I dislike them, but because I have realised how differently we choose to live our lives and we’re not really in line with another ways.

It takes guts to walk away from toxic people – but when you do, it’s very freeing, it’s liberating.

This is a short post from me today whilst I sit and catch up on Greys and rest. I have a poorly daughter at the moment, so lack of sleeping and worrying about her has worn me out a little. Have a wonderful weekend ladies.

~ Sonya

toxic people

My Recent Self Care

It’s so important to look after yourself, read here with some ways I have been self caring recently.

Self Care

As you know I have been taking better care of myself and I’ve been noting the sort of things I have been doing to look after myself. I’m sorry I haven’t been completely on time with these posting, but below is a list of some of the things I have been up to take care of myself:

  • Bubble baths with Neal Yards bath products
  • Netflix and coffee with no distractions
  • Walks in the sunshine
  • Baking
  • Having a clear out (good for the mind)
  • Yoga (must make this more of my routine)
  • Having a night a week where I eat what I want with no guilt
  • Snuggle in bed with my book and getting lost in the story

self care look after yourself

Can you add to this? Have you taken any tips from this? It’s so important we take care of ourselves for our mental health.

~ Sonya

Half Term Over

Half Term Survived

I survived half term alone – who am I kidding? I nearly always do the holidays alone!! I won’t lie, when I was feeling lazy or didn’t want to do anything, I let the kids sit on their iPads. I am not ashamed to admit I do that and neither should you.

Half Term Survived

I survived half term alone – who am I kidding? I nearly always do the holidays alone!! I won’t lie, when I was feeling lazy or didn’t want to do anything, I let the kids sit on their iPads. I am not ashamed to admit I do that and neither should you.

I am a working mum, I proudly own my own home that needs paying for, I am a single mum at that and I don’t get any help from my chiders father or my family. SO when I need a break, I let them do as they please.

I still do fun stuff with the kids. During the holidays we went to the cinema, saw friends, went to the park, baked, had two movie nights at home, walked the dog together, played a board game and generally hung out together. I do stuff with my kids, but equally feel NO guilt if I don’t do things with them either.

Don’t Stress Yourself

It’s ok to want to take that time out and chill out. Being a parent is not easy and it can be stressful, so don’t feel bad if you let them watch TV all day one day or sit on an iPad, they won’t be permanently damaged!! Look after yourself, YOU matter too.

Self Care 101

Self Care 101 Week Two

Another week has gone – can you believe it?! I’m sticking to my self caring and doing one thing small thing for me a day. The week ahead will be harder because it’s half term, the children are at home all week (of course no help from their dad)

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Here’s what I got up to last week in my self care:

Monday – I kept it simple and had a lovely bath (seeing as my daughter had ruined my planned bath the night before) then I just chilled in bed watching Netflix. Really easy, simple, yet effective.

Tuesday – I decided to do it a little differently today. I worked out. I have had a week off from working out because of my back, so I eased my way back in and got active, it felt great! Being healthy is a great way to self care. It put me in a great mood, as with all my workouts.

Wednesday – Extremely busy day, so it’s a bath and listening to the Calm app for 10 minutes trying to zone out a little and switch off. So much running around today, lots to do and I was exhausted. A little workout, but not much as I have to stay away from upper body until my back is fully healed. Just some inner thigh work.

Thursday – Up at 5.30am and not home till after 6PM! The self care was eat what the hell I want and feel no guilt. I also switched off from my phone early once catching up on all the notifications. I was in Northampton attending a fantastic day with like minded women entrepreneurs. Great Day!

Friday – Thank goodness for a slightly slower day. It was still busy, but I decided to take half an hour during the day with my essential oil butter cream and watch a little TV (much like last Friday afternoon) Friday evening is busy with taking my son to jujitsu etc, so my evenings are written off as I don’t sit down till gone 9PM.

The week ahead will be harder as the children are off school. But I’m thinking of having a half hour in the day where I just sit and read and they’re told not to disturb me for half an hour. They are old enough to understand I need my time too. I let them have plenty of damn time right?

Self Care 101 – Week One

self care 101

Self Care 101

A goal I made myself not quite 2 weeks ago was to do something every day that was self care orientated and Just for Me. Not my children, the dog, my business or the house – just for ME. Because I matter.

I think many women are so used to running around like nut jobs that they forget that they’re actually human and have the capability of eventually burning out and guess what… it ain’t pretty! Mental health awareness is huge everywhere nowadays and as a woman who has suffered a marriage of mostly emotional and mental abuse and having been brought up by a selfish and un-maternal mother: I know a little bit about emotional abuse.

My Self Care 101 Plan

Last week was my first full week of self care 101. I promised you a look into my life, showing you what I have been up to looking after myself and here it is, day by day from last week.

  • Monday – I took the morning off and went to a friends for coffee and breakfast. I just switched off from my life and enjoyed an hour and a half of just chatting and not looking at my phone.
  • Tuesday – The day before my surgery. I had a soak in the bath, listened to some calming music, then smothered my body in a detox butter with essential oils. Got wrapped up in bed and just read. No phones allowed, it was face down on my floor.
  • Wednesday – After my surgery and when I was home, I just kicked back on the sofa and rested watching Netflix. By the evening I was pretty sore, so I had a little bath (not allowed to get my back wet) but on my comfiest PJ’s, socks on, essential oil roller on bottom of my feet, wrists, behind ears and back of neck and I sat reading in bed. I even put the fair lights on for a little ambience! I slept really well.
  • Thursday – I simply ate well. I have been letting the food slide for a while and decided that wad the day I ate really well, especially seeing as I can’t work out till at least next week. So I ensured I out good nutritious food in my body and some extra water to hydrate me. Then in the evening I put my phone in the kitchen for a little while and watched an episode of something completely undisturbed. Unplanned, but felt good.
  • Friday was a self care afternoon. I really enjoyed this one. I got out my Eve Taylor candle, the wax turns into essential oils once melted and you can use it on your skin. So I sat there after lunch in shorts and T Shirt, with coffee, my candle and Criminal Minds on (no phone around) and sat for an hour watching and rubbing essential oils into my skin. It felt wonderful. I may just have to do that again this weekend.
  • Saturday I wasn’t quite as successful. I ordered a take away instead of cooking. Not something we do a lot of, but I decided I didn’t want to cook, so I’m using that as my self care moment.
  • Sunday – Was supposed to be a soak in the bath seeing as my back was healing nicely, but my 8.5 year old daughter ruined that for me! That’s a whole other story. So in the end had a quick bath, got into bed and watched Pursuit of Happyness. Fantastic film!

So there it is, my week of self care last week wrapped into one blog post. I hope you can take something from it.

Not Everyone Has a Relationship with their Mother

Relationship with our Mother

Once upon a time I’d have told you I had a good relationship with my mother, however, it turns out I have seen her for what she really is this year. Anyone who has known my mum since my brothers and I were children will tell you my mother is not maternal, that it was a mystery as to why she had 4 children – she wasn’t very good at it. My mother was a business woman, she should have stuck to that.

The Fall Out

So back in March this year I fell out with my mother, over something stupid. But boy oh boy did she make a fuss and properly over dramatised it so that her precious sons felt sorry for her. It all worked, I almost fell out with them too.

Here’s the thing, my ‘mum’ is on her 4th husband, she’s never been good at relationships, does’ have many friends either. This particular husband isn’t very family oriented, he doesn’t speak to his own daughter or grandchildren, which I find very sad. He has never really fit it, my brothers aren’t keep on him either. So Mr ‘drop my daughter by the wayside’ is whispering in my mothers ear and she is lapping it up. I am now queen bitch!

What REALLY Pisses Me Off!

Forget about me and my feelings. I have reached out to her THREE times since we fell out and she has ignored me – total bitch in my eyes. HOWEVER – her not seeing her grandkids is an absolute and utter piss take. What the fuck is actually wrong with her? Yet again, showing her super NON maternal side. I mean, who even does that? My children are her only grandchildren, yet she chooses not to see them. It’s beyond my comprehension.

As a mother myself, I cannot imagine not speaking to kids for 2 weeks, let alone half a year or more. And if I had grandkids? HELL NO!

I have not said she couldn’t see then, she’s never asked in fact. I don’t know how she sleeps at night. She will be a lonely old woman who nobody has time for because she treats people this way.

Funny, my brothers told me back then ‘well we never fall out with mum, only you, so it’s gotta be you’ See here’s the thing, they see her like 3-4 times a year, because they don’t prioritise her. YET I was seeing her fortnightly. So yeah, they aren’t going to fall out with her if they never see her!

How I Feel Now

Now I simply don’t want her in my life. If she wants (or wanted might be a better word for it) to see my children, she is welcome to, but for me, I am no longer interested. She has gone too far with this now.

I just had surgery for fuck sake and she wasn’t there! Didn’t ask if I was ok. If that’s a mother – then NO thank you.

What she has taught me is that I never want to be a mother like her. No feelings, no cuddles, no ‘I love you’s’ when I was growing up, no time to just sit and chat.

Despite me running my own business and being a single mum, I ALWAYS find time to talk with the children, spend time with them daily, tell them I love them several times a day, hang out with them and make it clear they can come to me when they need to. That I am never too busy to help them out with a problem they might have.

Goodness I feel better writing all this down. I have been feeling pretty angry by her lack of love. Instead, I am taking this a learning lesson and ensuring my children never feel this way. She’s not a ‘mum’ she is simply a ‘mother’ she carried me, gave birth, fed me, but that’s it. She didn’t Love me or nurture me.

Goodbye Mother, our days are over. I have my friends who have been there for me through the last few months of sheer hell. I don’t need you in my life.

Yours Sincerely

~ Me!