Christmas is Coming

christmas is comingChristmas is the Best!

We are getting soon close to Christmas, are you prepared or freaking out? So this weekend is a more chilled one. Tomorrow we’re having mostly a day at home I thing, maybe some Christmas crafts. Tomorrow we’re off to see Panto.

Today I have been at an event all day in Northampton and I’m knackered, Im ready for a lie in tomorrow! I will be finding time for feet up and chill out for sure. What are you up to? Don’t forget to find some time just for you this weekend, it’s important to put yourself first sometimes.

Wrapping Christmas Presents

I MUST wrap some Christmas presents next week, I don’t want to leave it last minute and be rushing. My anxiety goes into overdrive when I have to rush. It’s harder now that the kids go to bed a bit later, then I am just too tired, so I need to find time during the day to get it done. When do you get your wrapping done? Try not to stress it and just plan some time to get it done. That personally world for me. I will plan the time in to get it done.

Christmas is definitely my favourite time of year. It’s sparkly, there is an air of magic about it. There is definitely a sense of warmth to it too.

 

Don’t Look Back

Don’t Look Back – You’re Not Going That Way

I’m sure you’ve heard the quote ‘don’t look back you’re not going that way’ before, well it’s true. I have recently been in touch with the man I dated in September, it suddenly turned into ‘let’s talk about us’ and it was quite exciting. UNTIL last night we were chatting and I wasn’t in the right mood for him, not all upbeat etc and he basically got the hump. I was a bit surprised, but not massively as he has done this before. Despite assuring me he wanted to change, this made me realise he wasn’t capable of change.

He then says this morning he doesn’t think he is ready for a relationship, so rather than make a fuss I just wished him well. The moral is, don’t look back. There is a reason things haven’t worked out before, so I am backing off and leaving him to it.

I am worthy of a man who will stand by me, not talk to me like a child when things aren’t going their way. Myself and my kids deserve a wonderful man in our lives and I have been single for this very reason, nobody wonderful enough has come along. Simples….

don't look back

Toxic People

Letting Go Of Toxic People

Toxic people, we’ve all had them in our lives and some of us have even walked away from these people. It’s not easy to do let me tell you. It’s an act of courage.

I walked away from my mum and I think I only had the guts to do it because she fell out with me and then ignored me. After 3 attempts to contact her, I suddenly kind of woke up and thought ‘what the actual fuck’ and decided it was time to leave her be. And you know what – life has been less gossipy, less stressful, less of me trying to please her and less anxiety.

I have backed away from a couple of friends too. Not because I dislike them, but because I have realised how differently we choose to live our lives and we’re not really in line with another ways.

It takes guts to walk away from toxic people – but when you do, it’s very freeing, it’s liberating.

This is a short post from me today whilst I sit and catch up on Greys and rest. I have a poorly daughter at the moment, so lack of sleeping and worrying about her has worn me out a little. Have a wonderful weekend ladies.

~ Sonya

toxic people

Half Term Over

Half Term Survived

I survived half term alone – who am I kidding? I nearly always do the holidays alone!! I won’t lie, when I was feeling lazy or didn’t want to do anything, I let the kids sit on their iPads. I am not ashamed to admit I do that and neither should you.

Half Term Survived

I survived half term alone – who am I kidding? I nearly always do the holidays alone!! I won’t lie, when I was feeling lazy or didn’t want to do anything, I let the kids sit on their iPads. I am not ashamed to admit I do that and neither should you.

I am a working mum, I proudly own my own home that needs paying for, I am a single mum at that and I don’t get any help from my chiders father or my family. SO when I need a break, I let them do as they please.

I still do fun stuff with the kids. During the holidays we went to the cinema, saw friends, went to the park, baked, had two movie nights at home, walked the dog together, played a board game and generally hung out together. I do stuff with my kids, but equally feel NO guilt if I don’t do things with them either.

Don’t Stress Yourself

It’s ok to want to take that time out and chill out. Being a parent is not easy and it can be stressful, so don’t feel bad if you let them watch TV all day one day or sit on an iPad, they won’t be permanently damaged!! Look after yourself, YOU matter too.

Not Everyone Has a Relationship with their Mother

Relationship with our Mother

Once upon a time I’d have told you I had a good relationship with my mother, however, it turns out I have seen her for what she really is this year. Anyone who has known my mum since my brothers and I were children will tell you my mother is not maternal, that it was a mystery as to why she had 4 children – she wasn’t very good at it. My mother was a business woman, she should have stuck to that.

The Fall Out

So back in March this year I fell out with my mother, over something stupid. But boy oh boy did she make a fuss and properly over dramatised it so that her precious sons felt sorry for her. It all worked, I almost fell out with them too.

Here’s the thing, my ‘mum’ is on her 4th husband, she’s never been good at relationships, does’ have many friends either. This particular husband isn’t very family oriented, he doesn’t speak to his own daughter or grandchildren, which I find very sad. He has never really fit it, my brothers aren’t keep on him either. So Mr ‘drop my daughter by the wayside’ is whispering in my mothers ear and she is lapping it up. I am now queen bitch!

What REALLY Pisses Me Off!

Forget about me and my feelings. I have reached out to her THREE times since we fell out and she has ignored me – total bitch in my eyes. HOWEVER – her not seeing her grandkids is an absolute and utter piss take. What the fuck is actually wrong with her? Yet again, showing her super NON maternal side. I mean, who even does that? My children are her only grandchildren, yet she chooses not to see them. It’s beyond my comprehension.

As a mother myself, I cannot imagine not speaking to kids for 2 weeks, let alone half a year or more. And if I had grandkids? HELL NO!

I have not said she couldn’t see then, she’s never asked in fact. I don’t know how she sleeps at night. She will be a lonely old woman who nobody has time for because she treats people this way.

Funny, my brothers told me back then ‘well we never fall out with mum, only you, so it’s gotta be you’ See here’s the thing, they see her like 3-4 times a year, because they don’t prioritise her. YET I was seeing her fortnightly. So yeah, they aren’t going to fall out with her if they never see her!

How I Feel Now

Now I simply don’t want her in my life. If she wants (or wanted might be a better word for it) to see my children, she is welcome to, but for me, I am no longer interested. She has gone too far with this now.

I just had surgery for fuck sake and she wasn’t there! Didn’t ask if I was ok. If that’s a mother – then NO thank you.

What she has taught me is that I never want to be a mother like her. No feelings, no cuddles, no ‘I love you’s’ when I was growing up, no time to just sit and chat.

Despite me running my own business and being a single mum, I ALWAYS find time to talk with the children, spend time with them daily, tell them I love them several times a day, hang out with them and make it clear they can come to me when they need to. That I am never too busy to help them out with a problem they might have.

Goodness I feel better writing all this down. I have been feeling pretty angry by her lack of love. Instead, I am taking this a learning lesson and ensuring my children never feel this way. She’s not a ‘mum’ she is simply a ‘mother’ she carried me, gave birth, fed me, but that’s it. She didn’t Love me or nurture me.

Goodbye Mother, our days are over. I have my friends who have been there for me through the last few months of sheer hell. I don’t need you in my life.

Yours Sincerely

~ Me!

Feeling Great As a Woman

Feeling Great As a Woman Today

Yesterday I had a small procedure on my back carried out at hospital and was left a little sore. It needed to be done and boy am I glad it is over. Today though, it has left me feeling great as a woman and feeling that my body will heal and look after itself because I have been looking after my body.

I generally eat pretty well and work out to keep myself healthy and as supple as I’m going to be at 38! I also look after my mind and soul. The mind and soul thing is a newer thing I’ve added to my life and routine, I had to shift my mindset around to get a grip on it. But here I am trying meditating and taking time out from life to switch my busy brain off and focus on relaxing.

Why is relaxing so important?

There will be no technical terms used here, I’m not some health expert or therapist. However, relaxing and looking after yourself is common sense – although not to all. I know for me it wasn’t until it became a priority, because my mental health was suffering from burn out and stress.

healthy living

Now I make it a high priority to do something every day that is just for me and I’m calling it my Self Care 101. I’ll be writing a weekly blog post on here to tell you what I have been up to with my self care. I’ll try and aim to write it on Monday/Tuesday listing everything from the week before.

On that note, I am off to do some actual work and then take a lunch break and put Netflix on 🙂 Have a wonderful day.

~ Sonya

feeling good as a woman

When You Get To Burn Out

Don’t Get To Burn Out

Burning out is not cool – we should be listening to our bodies more and knowing when we’re struggling. But as women, we seem to muddle on through, think we’re bloody super woman by powering through, then hit burn out and then are basically… fucked! burn out women

I can say this because I just went through it just recently, over the last week even. Between dropping the guy who I was seeing because he was manipulative, my ex husband being a complete and utter wanker and then me losing a big client at work, I let myself get totally overwhelmed and got to a point (very almost) of giving up.

IF I had seen the signs, or more to the point, taken notice of them, I wouldn’t have gotten to that low point.

Self Care is Incredible Important

Yeah yeah, love yourself and all that. It IS important and it doesn’t have to be airy fairy or all yoga type stuff. It can be anything that makes you feel relaxed and helps you switch off from the world a bit. Here are some suggestions and some of these I will be taking note of myself and trying to apply weekly:

  • Running a nice bubble bath when the children are in bed.
  • Switching off your phone one evening a week, take an internet break.
  • Have a foodie evening (not all day) but an evening where you allow yourself treat foods without guilt.
  • Go for a nice walk, get out amongst the trees and the sunshine – or the rain if you like that sort of thing.
  • Breathe (massive deep breaths) before taking out your stresses on the kids – trust me, I am totally guilty of doing this.
  • Treat yourself to a massage or something like that. Rather than buying lunches out, save your money for a massage a month, or pedicure/manicure etc…
  • Stay in bed reading all evening without putting the TV on, just you and your book. Enjoy the peace and getting lost in a story.
  • Try and go to bed a little earlier one evening a week, even that extra half an hour can make a difference. self care empowering women

I actually think I will do all of the above at some point, because they’re all self care worthy. I do the walking bit every day with Poppy, so I can tick that off the list. I never have a bath when the kids are in bed, I usually have it earlier at the same time. However, I am going to rethink this.

There are lots of different ways we can look after ourselves better, these are just a few pointers.

On that note, I’m off to make coffee and maybe watch a little TV before I move on to my next task for the day.

~ Sonya

Mother-F*cker!!!

Mother-F*cker of a Man!!

So I posted this lovely blog after I’d met a fab man (or so I thought) and things were going really well. I won’t lie, last week a couple of small alarm bells rang, but I thought it was just me being cautious. But then Monday, yet Again he changes plans, just expecting me to go along with it, but this time I decided to say No. That it wasn’t ok to keep doing that (this must have been the 4th time) and that I can’t just drop everything to suit him. Well, that didn’t go down well!!

Outspoken Women

Suddenly he’s spouting ‘I need my own space’ ‘you want to know what I’m doing all the time’ utter BULLSHIT! I’m not the kind of woman who needs to be texting every 5min and when he is with his friends I always leave him to it. He’d been out partying in London all weekend and I was totally cool with it, I just got on with my thing. So I told him to jog the fuck on and to take all the space he needed, because I was outta there!!

It seemed to likes strong women who know their mind but not when they spoke their mind and he doesn’t like what they’re saying! Mother fucker, he met the wrong woman!

Then my ex goes and cancels on the kids for this weekend, I was SO angry, that yet again, he thinks this is ok. I laid into that man in a way I haven’t before. The anger all came out in such a rage. I have now cut him off. The children have his number, they can contact him. For me though, I’m done.

Don’t Fuck With Me

I’m in very much a ‘don’t fuck with me’ mood – I won’t tolerate anything from anyone this week. There are probably 100 errors in this blog post, I’m typing so bloody fast! I’m glad I have written this post and gotten it out of my system a little.

don't fuck with me

You know what too? This experience with this seemingly wonderful man has shown me one thing – how much I have grown. That I care about ME enough to say ENOUGH. That I walked away from the signs, that I am not desperate and that I won’t settle.

So I am putting this in the Women Success Stories, because I rock and so do you.

~ Sonya

The Kids Are Going Back To School

Whoop! The Kids Are Going Back To School

I can’t lie, I have had a pretty cool summer with my two beats and our puppy Poppy. But they kids go back to school next week and I for one am looking forward to some routine back in my life. I want to work on this some more, run my businesses The Corset Lady and Social Success with Sonya, get my workouts in and take longer walks with Poppy. Isn’t she precious?

We love our kids, but we also love our routine right ladies? We’ve made memories this summer, but ready for things to settle for a while. I forgot I have some press vouchers to use, so I think we’ll eat out one day next week and have a yummy meal out.

I’m probably talking complete shit in my blog posts, but I for one am really enjoying writing these posts.