Falling out with your daughter
This morning I fell out with my daughter and honestly, I am feeling awful for it. She told me a lie, a small one, but a lie all the same. I detest lying with a passion, all due to their dad. I mean, nobody likes lying right? But I feel very strongly about this.
Their dad spent years lying to me and manipulating me. Over the years we haven’t been together I have grown into a stronger woman who takes no shit. So when my kids lie, all hell kinda breaks lose. They KNOW damn well why I hate lying and that I won’t tolerate it. It’s the one thing I simply and utterly hate (and when people eat with their mouth open, but that’s a whole other post!)
Controlling my temper
It’s taken hard work, personal development etc to control my temper when I’m having a bad day. But I still haven’t learnt how to control my temper if my kids lie and I go a little crazy, shouting etc. This morning this happened, she cried, I then felt bad and an hour later I feel worse then ever. I hate myself for it. I know I have to apologise to her again when I pick her up and tell her that it’s not ok for mummy to react this way. I will also explain that it’s not ok for her to lie and I did lose my temper because I thought we had overcome this after the last time she did it. It’s not ok for me to react this way and I recognise that. I want to be a better mum when it comes to this.
Learning from our mistakes
What I need to tell myself is that as long as I leant from this, it will be ok. Though life we all screw up at some point and there is no such thing as a perfect mother. I don’t want to be like my mother (cold, no emotion and always shouting) and every day I make the effort not to be her. Mostly I do achieve it. But today I fucked up. Today we’ll make it better and I will admit when I am wrong.
Really this is me just putting it out there and getting things off my chest. Because I need to, like most people do. Thank you for reading if you got this far.
Don’t Get To Burn Out
Burning out is not cool – we should be listening to our bodies more and knowing when we’re struggling. But as women, we seem to muddle on through, think we’re bloody super woman by powering through, then hit burn out and then are basically… fucked!
I can say this because I just went through it just recently, over the last week even. Between dropping the guy who I was seeing because he was manipulative, my ex husband being a complete and utter wanker and then me losing a big client at work, I let myself get totally overwhelmed and got to a point (very almost) of giving up.
IF I had seen the signs, or more to the point, taken notice of them, I wouldn’t have gotten to that low point.
Self Care is Incredible Important
Yeah yeah, love yourself and all that. It IS important and it doesn’t have to be airy fairy or all yoga type stuff. It can be anything that makes you feel relaxed and helps you switch off from the world a bit. Here are some suggestions and some of these I will be taking note of myself and trying to apply weekly:
- Running a nice bubble bath when the children are in bed.
- Switching off your phone one evening a week, take an internet break.
- Have a foodie evening (not all day) but an evening where you allow yourself treat foods without guilt.
- Go for a nice walk, get out amongst the trees and the sunshine – or the rain if you like that sort of thing.
- Breathe (massive deep breaths) before taking out your stresses on the kids – trust me, I am totally guilty of doing this.
- Treat yourself to a massage or something like that. Rather than buying lunches out, save your money for a massage a month, or pedicure/manicure etc…
- Stay in bed reading all evening without putting the TV on, just you and your book. Enjoy the peace and getting lost in a story.
- Try and go to bed a little earlier one evening a week, even that extra half an hour can make a difference.
I actually think I will do all of the above at some point, because they’re all self care worthy. I do the walking bit every day with Poppy, so I can tick that off the list. I never have a bath when the kids are in bed, I usually have it earlier at the same time. However, I am going to rethink this.
There are lots of different ways we can look after ourselves better, these are just a few pointers.
On that note, I’m off to make coffee and maybe watch a little TV before I move on to my next task for the day.
Want to know how I cope with stress?
I’m not sure I have a set way of coping with stress, it completely depends on the day and the situation. I have been known to scream and shout on more than several occasions, then on other days I just retreat, what I call going into hibernation. Below is a list of some of the things I do to help me cope with stress, along with a few more in the picture below.
List of things that help me cope with stress:
- Going for a walk is definitely one I do a lot. We now live in the countryside since leaving my husband 6 years ago and I love being around nature, totally soothing. London doesn’t have this magic for me anymore.
- Dance it out, this is one I do with the kids. I really don’t want to do it most of the time, but force myself to.
- I work out! This one I do a lot. It REALLY helps boost those endorphins and makes me smile more. I have a ‘fuck yeah’ attitude after a workout, which is better than the ‘fuck off’ attitude I have to the world Before a workout.
- Clean the house, this is part of ‘focus on what you can control’ and when I’m done, I love seeing my house sparkling clean. It’s a form of exercise too as it gets my heart rate up.
- Go and be nice to other people, they’ll be nice back, it’s a win win. When you need someone to be nice to you, this totally works.
A few more ways to cope with stress below…
I hope this small list provides at least one new way for you to deal with stress a little better. We need to find ways to destroy all that negative energy, it’s not healthy for our mind or body. Positive mindset is a powerful thing. You’ve got this. Keep trying a new things.