Falling out with your daughter
This morning I fell out with my daughter and honestly, I am feeling awful for it. She told me a lie, a small one, but a lie all the same. I detest lying with a passion, all due to their dad. I mean, nobody likes lying right? But I feel very strongly about this.
Their dad spent years lying to me and manipulating me. Over the years we haven’t been together I have grown into a stronger woman who takes no shit. So when my kids lie, all hell kinda breaks lose. They KNOW damn well why I hate lying and that I won’t tolerate it. It’s the one thing I simply and utterly hate (and when people eat with their mouth open, but that’s a whole other post!)
Controlling my temper
It’s taken hard work, personal development etc to control my temper when I’m having a bad day. But I still haven’t learnt how to control my temper if my kids lie and I go a little crazy, shouting etc. This morning this happened, she cried, I then felt bad and an hour later I feel worse then ever. I hate myself for it. I know I have to apologise to her again when I pick her up and tell her that it’s not ok for mummy to react this way. I will also explain that it’s not ok for her to lie and I did lose my temper because I thought we had overcome this after the last time she did it. It’s not ok for me to react this way and I recognise that. I want to be a better mum when it comes to this.
Learning from our mistakes
What I need to tell myself is that as long as I leant from this, it will be ok. Though life we all screw up at some point and there is no such thing as a perfect mother. I don’t want to be like my mother (cold, no emotion and always shouting) and every day I make the effort not to be her. Mostly I do achieve it. But today I fucked up. Today we’ll make it better and I will admit when I am wrong.
Really this is me just putting it out there and getting things off my chest. Because I need to, like most people do. Thank you for reading if you got this far.